Thursday ( 4 - 13 - 00) : Nothing happened today. School then Home. I was going to have a friend over but she never showed up. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Friday ( 4 - 14 - 00 ) : Today was the worst day of my life !!!!. I had a not so good day at school. My grades are going down instead of going up. Then I get home and have to run around to find a baby-sitter for my brothers so I can go to this girl's surprise party. Then I get there and I get a stomach ache. So 10 min after I think my stomach is better my girlfriend breaks-up w/ me because I got kindy mad because she was smoking. Now some people would say "Why in the hell would you get mad because she is smoking ?" The answer to that is I had to fight so hard in middle school not to smoke because my two best friends did. I was always offered ( like several times a day ) and it takes some major work to say no to something you wanna do. I wanted to do it so bad. I wanted to smoke, but I never did. So today I wasn't mad at her so much I was mad at myself for not doing it long time ago. So my girlfriend takes it the wrong way and says I'm stopping her from having fun, I dont see the fun in smoking, and breaks up w/ me. I think that a crap, so I am very depressed. I cant eat, I cant think, and I dont feel like having fun. I think I will go through a change of personality soon I can feel it.

Saturday ( 4 - 15 - 00 ) : I had a semi-good day today. I had to clean up earlier, but later today my girlfriend call me and said she was sorry and wanted to get back together. I dont know what I'm gonna do. Today I also had some people over. When had fun and stayed up all night. Tomorrow I know I'm gonna be tired.

Sunday ( 4 - 16 - 00 ) : Today was a bad day.  cried about 5 times ( I actually did a few times ). Just looking at my Ex ( I hate saying that ) made me so sad. I am dying inside. Being tortured from the inside out. Its horrible !!! I dont know how long I can hold out for. I dont know how long I can the temptation. It would be so easy to give up now, but I have so much left. Job, Marriage, Kids, and growing old (all of which I wanted to do w/ my ex). I have an ex. I love her, I wish I could have her, I wish I could hold her, I wish I could kiss her, but no more. I need her my life is in ruins w/ out her. I can't eat ( I haven't eaten anything except a blizzard and a small piece of pot-pie in 3 days), I can't sleep (I've slept a total of 8 hours in 3 days), I can't think (I couldn't do anything but share all day), and I can't smile (Smiling needs happiness which I don't have). During seventh period we were watching a video and someone  was talking about there boyfriend and how much they loved him, and I started crying for like 10 min. After school today I saw my ex and had to run ahead of my friends so they wouldn't see me cry. I hate it when people cry so I'm not going to put that burden on anyone of my friends.  I am going to stop now w/ this update before I start crying right now.

Monday ( 4 - 17 - 00 ) : Today was a horrible day. I almost cried about 5 times ( I actually did a few times ). Just looking at my Ex ( I hate saying that ) made me so sad. I am dying inside. Being tortured from the inside out. Its horrible !!! I dont know how long I can hold out for. I dont know how long I can the temptation. It would be so easy to give up now, but I have so much left. Job, Marriage, Kids, and growing old (all of which I wanted to do w/ my ex). I have an ex. I love her, I wish I could have her, I wish I could hold her, I wish I could kiss her, but no more. I need her my life is in ruins w/ out her. I can't eat ( I haven't eaten anything except a blizzard and a small piece of pot-pie in 3 days), I can't sleep (I've slept a total of 8 hours in 3 days), I can't think (I couldn't do anything but share all day), and I can't smile (Smiling needs happiness which I don't have). During seventh period we were watching a video and someone  was talking about there boyfriend and how much they loved him, and I started crying for like 10 min. After school today I saw my ex and had to run ahead of my friends so they wouldn't see me cry. I hate it when people cry so I'm not going to put that burden on anyone of my friends.  I am going to stop now w/ this update before I start crying right now.

Tuesday ( 4 - 18 - 00 ) : Today wasn't really any better than yesterday. I found out today that there is supposed to be a shooting at my school on Thursday. So I have decide that whatever happens, happens. If I die then I die. To tell the truth I really dont feel like living anyway. So this way I could down in a blaze of glory. When I save someone's life. I wrote a poem today. I would post it but it would take forever to type because it is so long. I'll post it tomorrow after I get out of school early. 1:15 to be correct. Which I would usually go out to eat w/ my friends but my ex is going so I might not. I dunno because I most likely wont eat if I go anyway. I am so....... ;(

Wednesday ( 4 - 19 - 00 ) : Today was a change from norm.  My friends Danielle, K K, Tara, and Katherine have help me so much I have to buy them a gift. :) I am gonna be crazy in front  of my ex. So throw it back into her face. hehe

Thursday ( 4 - 20 - 00 ) : Today was really weird. There was a rumor of a shooting at my school. So some people didn't show up. To give you an idea there was at most at 20 people in each class. Other than that nothing really happened today.

Friday ( 4 - 21 - 00 ) : Today was my friend Katherine Birthday. She was upset because everyone forgot. Other than that school was just like yesterday. Classes were very small because it is Good Friday. I went to a show today. I went to a show w/ Katherine, Jamie, Danielle, and Chris ( Danielle's Boy friend ) and saw Danielle's boy friend's band. It was all the way down town. It really smoky and loud. I liked it. Then me and Jamie dropped off Katherine and got some Taco Bell. We a free taco. It was good. :)

Saturday ( 4 - 22 - 00 ) : Today I got my hair cut, then Katherine and Danielle came over. We hung out and talked for 'til about 12:00 in the am. Then Chris stopped by and he hung out also.

Sunday ( 4 - 23 - 00 ) : Today I started my past news, misc., and art sections of my page. Past news will feature news for the whole month, Misc. will feature lots of random stuff, and  Art will feature art made by students at my school or and funny art I find on-line. Today was also Easter. So I went to church and had a bunch of my family over my house. We did an Easter egg hunt and played games. Not a Choice weekend but it was ok.  

Monday ( 4 - 24 - 00 ) : Today was bad !!! I found out that after about maybe half-a-week after we broke up my ex-girlfriend is dating someone else. They told everyone not to tell me and that was because they were afraid of me beating Chad ( Her new boyfriend ) ass. I was so mad and upset at the same time.  I mad because people who I thought were my friends didn't tell me when I asked about it. Then I am upset that after 5 and 1/2 mouths someone could get over someone so easily. I mean was I not a good boyfriend ? Didn't I do everything and anything to make her happy ? Didn't I put my happiness second to hers ? I dont know. Just wish I was as cold hearted as her. Why is my heart so weak and loving ? I wish I had never went out w/ her !!  I wish I had never went out w/ her !! I regret everything we did. Now wait, I can't take back that she was my first love. Because she was. I just wish love would have picked someone who gave just an inkling about my heart and how I feel. Someone who just can't move on so easily. I dont know. You can't chose who you love but sometimes is causes you so much pain, especially when its your first !!!

Tuesday ( 4 - 25 - 00 ) : I really didn't do anything today. I went to school and found out more about my ex and this guy Chad. I very upset after school I walk like 2 feet per hour and my friends got pissed at me and yelled which was not what I needed today. So then I was even more upset. Then I get home and my ex's sister calls me and yells at me. So I called my friends Danielle and talked to her for a while. Then after I got off the phone w/ her this movie came on and reminded me about the things me and my ex did and I broke down and went crazy. I punched the hell out of the walls in my room. My hand is gonna hurt tomorrow. The I fell to the ground and started to cry. I cried myself to sleep and awoke around 8 and got online. I was still kindy crying so I went back to sleep for about 45 min. Then my other friend Katherine called and we talked for about an hour and 15 min. Then I made a few calls and went back to sleep. This is one of the worst days since we broke up because I miss her.

Wednesday ( 4 - 26 - 00 ) : Today my hand hurt so much. Its all purple and shit. But N-E-ways today was weird and it not over yet. When I wake up I all sleepy and stuff. Then I go to school and get bitch at by my ex, because what happened w/ her sister on Monday night. Then were fighting on the way to 4th period. Then 6th period rolls around and I'm talking to my friends and I get to throw something away and they all leave. So I am sitting alone at my table doing my work when my ex comes over. She is acting all mean to me, so we start talking which we haven't done in like a week, and it was weird but we worked it all out and stuff. So we will see what happens tomorrow.

Thursday ( 4 - 27 - 00) : Today I didn't do really anything. I hurt my ankle and wrist dunking 9 and 1/2 feet. I fell so hard it was like owwwwwww. Well on a semi-lighter not Me and Stephanie got back together. It's really weird. I am testing the water before I just jump in though. It's not the same as before we broke-up though. I mean last time  I was so in to her, I want to be around her all the time, and I loved her endlessly. Now I don't really know. So I dunno how long we are gonna last this time. All the things people told me to get over her are preventing me from jumping into this relationship we both feet and w/ out a life line. Will shall just have to see how it goes.

Friday ( 4 - 28 - 00 ) : Today I kindy of ignored Stephanie in the morning. I didn't say a thing to her. I was in pain because of my ankle and kindy of routine to not talking to her. I know that's mean but its the truth. She ask me about it and I didn't really have an answer for her. I was supposed to go a play today but my parents wouldn't let me. Well I guess Stephanie is watching it all alone. Well will see how plans go for tomorrow.

Saturday ( 4 - 29 - 00 ) : Today I cleaned house. I cleaned the bathroom, my room, vacuumed the hall, cleaned the living room, did the dishes, cleaned the basement, and the basement bathroom. Then I add a report section to my page and some content to some other pages. Then my girlfriend came over and we hung out. I was suppossed to have some other people over but they never showed. By them doing so it gave me and my girlfriend a chance to talk.  We talked and talked for about 4 hours. Then we played cards, took a walk, and then just sat. It was .... I cant even begin to describe it. Well tomorrow will most likely be interesting because I'm gonna get my wallet back one way or another.